I love your list of reminders. I have some important things to learn from them, especially the ones you wrote that pertain to relationships with others. Thank you for sharing them.
It's not hard for me to imagine being handed the other list, seeing the way it simply denies all these painful realities of life that were maybe contributing to my being in the hospital in the first place, and just feeling really invalidated and isolated on top of everything else I'm already trying to deal with. That would be the opposite of helpful to me.
Are there really people who find those affirmations uplifting, or is it more that some people's basic stability flows from their permanently denying these painful realities, and they would like it if everyone else were to validate their denial?
I've wondered that, too--do people actually find affirmations like that helpful, especially over time? I've met people who say them enthusiastically, so maybe? But yeah, especially when I'm depressed, stuff like this is about as un-helpful as anything I can imagine. (Fortunately at this point in my life I'm mostly just entertained by the absurdity; if I took them seriously, it would for sure deepen my despair.)
Ooh, I love yours! And I agree that the nonsense ones you were given sound actively damaging. Like yes, let's pretend that the world will just solve everything for me if I just *will* it, because that couldn't possibly go wrong when it doesn't work!
The first list reminds me of the bitter frustration of, "Keep the commandments and ye shall prosper in the land" — something I counted on that didn't work for me.
I love your list of reminders. I have some important things to learn from them, especially the ones you wrote that pertain to relationships with others. Thank you for sharing them.
It's not hard for me to imagine being handed the other list, seeing the way it simply denies all these painful realities of life that were maybe contributing to my being in the hospital in the first place, and just feeling really invalidated and isolated on top of everything else I'm already trying to deal with. That would be the opposite of helpful to me.
Are there really people who find those affirmations uplifting, or is it more that some people's basic stability flows from their permanently denying these painful realities, and they would like it if everyone else were to validate their denial?
I've wondered that, too--do people actually find affirmations like that helpful, especially over time? I've met people who say them enthusiastically, so maybe? But yeah, especially when I'm depressed, stuff like this is about as un-helpful as anything I can imagine. (Fortunately at this point in my life I'm mostly just entertained by the absurdity; if I took them seriously, it would for sure deepen my despair.)
“Self-care is not optional. It doesn’t matter whether or not you feel like it.”
Your list of not-affirmations is so human and humane. And hard won. As always, a gift to read your words.
Thanks, Mary!
Ooh, I love yours! And I agree that the nonsense ones you were given sound actively damaging. Like yes, let's pretend that the world will just solve everything for me if I just *will* it, because that couldn't possibly go wrong when it doesn't work!
I know, right? Totally bonkers.
The first list reminds me of the bitter frustration of, "Keep the commandments and ye shall prosper in the land" — something I counted on that didn't work for me.
I like your list much better. I feel like it's full of truths I've had to learn the hard way over and over again and it reminds me of the Personal Bill of Rights that my therapist shared with me (https://www.dropbox.com/s/xh22va4hrijirje/screenshot_20220831-065006~2.png?dl=0). Thanks for sharing. 💞
Yeah, the "keep the commandments and things work out" hasn't worked for me, either! Thanks for sharing the Personal Bill of Rights. Those are good.