Affirmations

When I was in the hospital a few years ago, I was given a booklet with this truly amazing list of affirmations.

Honestly, if I encountered anyone who genuinely believed all of these things, I would worry that they were completely disconnected from reality. It's like toxic positivity on steroids. To be fair, not all of them are terrible, but “Prosperity flows to me at all times, in all ways” and “The universe provides for my every want and need”? It’s hard to even know how to respond to statements like that. It seems to me that one of the challenges of life is accepting limitations and coping with hard things. But that’s evidently not the case in Positive Affirmation World, where you are successful at everything you do, and the universe simply gives you everything you want. In addition to really messing with people’s heads, I think this sort of nonsense also sets up a situation in which there’s no reason to address social problems like poverty; people who are struggling just need to believe that prosperity is flowing to them. Ugh.

As is probably clear from my complaints about this, I’m skeptical of affirmations. And yet, I have to admit that at one point in my life, when I was doing a whole lot of DBT (dialectical behavioral therapy), I decided that I could use some reminders, so I wrote a list of them, and stuck them around my apartment. I’m actually rather fond of this list, which you may note that I am carefully not referring to as affirmations, though to be fair, they probably could fall into that genre. But I do like my list better than the one in the booklet, and they’re reminders that I still need, so I thought I’d share.

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It takes more strength to ask for help than it does to hurt yourself.

If you don’t make mistakes, you won’t ever learn anything.

Being in a real relationship means having difficult times.

You can be okay even when people are upset with you.

Let people feel what they feel. It’s not your job to fix it.

You can tolerate difficult feelings. They will not kill you.

Don’t jump to conclusions about what other people are thinking. You can’t read their minds.

If you’re panicking, focus on where you are. What do you see? What do you hear? What do you feel?

Practice radical acceptance.

Feelings of guilt do not mean that you are not allowed to take care of yourself.

You can’t control whether or not people like you. You can just accept it when they do.

Trust people to keep caring, even when you aren’t perfect.

You don’t have to hurt yourself.

It’s okay to say no, and to pay attention to your own needs.

Comparisons are just a waste of time. Don’t even bother with them.

Don’t torture yourself by thinking “if only.” It doesn’t fix anything. Let it go.

Don’t obsess over the past. Do the next right thing.

It’s okay to just take a break if you need one. You don’t have to engage in self-destructive behavior first.

Self-care is not optional. It doesn’t matter whether or not you feel like it.

What does your wise mind say?

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“The Hour Before Sunrise” is a newsletter that discusses religion, mental health, and the connections between them. This is a public post, so feel free to share it. And if you want to see more of and support my writing, please do subscribe (it's free!). Thanks for reading!